Dear Daughter

Dear Daughter,

I love you very much. More than words could ever express.

But waking up to you screaming in your crib is not really the wake-up call that I generally enjoy.

And really, dear daughter – all that screaming? You brought it on yourself, girlfriend.

Taking your diaper off and making puddles in the corners of the crib. Really?

Not so fun, huh?

And screaming your head off at me about it doesn’t garner a whole of sympathy. Call me cold-hearted, but I just couldn’t feel all that bad for you in your situation.

Because changing your sheets, washing your crib bumper, and wiping up puddles on the floor first thing in the morning? Not really my idea of a good time. If you know what I mean.

So let’s make a deal, my love. Let’s stick to the diapers until you’re ready to take your little self to the big girl potty. ‘K?

Love you with all my heart,

Mommy

PS – You’re the cutest munchkin ever and even though I couldn’t laugh at the time, it was really just a tiny bit funny. But only a tiny bit, mind you. Don’t get any big ideas.